‘People should not be aloud to bare arms’

Jim Wilcox, Professor of Righting

   Mary Christmas, everybody. It’s time to share with you this semester’s set of bloopers. Read them at your peril.

“People should not be aloud to bare arms.” (Especially when that unsightly upper arm flab flaps in the wind.)

“Humans are inertly good.” (It’s when they become mobilized that they become dangerous.)

“It was the same color as the hair found next to the corps.” (Hair from a Few Good Men.)

“I don’t know the intention of the author, but it limited my thanking process.” (Think goodness for small favors.)

“Divorce is not as common in my couture.” (Are you saying it’s unfashionable?)

“So I walk outside and take a peak.” (It’s two-for-one at Twin Peaks, Idaho.)

“Refereeing to the Cain and Abel story…” (Well, lamb’s sakes alive, junior, I believe you mean an um-pyre!)

“You need to make sure you’re a good stuart.” (Or stuartess.)

“He was suddenly involved in a collusion with another car.” (As long as both drivers agree on that.)

“Teachers must get students evolved enough to do the bear minimum.” (Science teachers claim we’ve descended from monkeys. What do they know?”)

“Teachers have the opportunity to help stunds beyond just just academicals.” (Where do I start?)

(essay title) “Curtain kids in High School.” (I anticipate an essay about the Drama Club.)

(essay title) “This is my Pervasive Essay” (I was instantly permeated.)

“They love the game too much to take it for granite.” (Rock on!)

“Country life is so far away from theaters and bowling allies.” (You mean teams! T-E-A-M-S-E-I-E-I-O!)

“When you sleep with someone other than your spouse, you’re committing idolatry.” (So don’t touch each other’s golden calves.)

“Being around your spouse all the time can begin to take its toile.”(Well, now that hits at the very fabric of a relationship.)

“What do you loom for in a spouse?”  (She likes sweaters and hats.)

“The mare sired 150 colts.” (And I suppose the stud birthed them all.)

“To get guns you have to have a higher I.D.” (To get grades you have to have a higher I.Q.)

“If people don’t turn in their guns, we all become a little more venerable.” (Pacifism comes with age.)

“He got a glimpse of the fowl manor in which they were treated.” (Isn’t that called a chicken coop?)

“Then the driver tires to speed away.” (Such a radial thought.)

“A few events that initiated the Vietnam War were the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Battles of Lexington and Concord in 1775, and the capture of Fort Sumter in 1861.” (And don’t forget the creation of the heavens and the earth.)

(Speaking of recent wars…) “As soon as word of attack reached Washington D.C., Iraq forces set posts at the Saudi barber.” (I’ll bet that started a buzz among the troops.)

“Many conscientious objects claimed war to be evil.” (Let’s see, you’ve got the conscientious cannon, the weapons of mass principles, and the ethical bombshells.)

“Don’t biker werth the small stuff.” (Including spelling.)

“We shipped off tomorrow.” (That’s when things got tense.)