Prehistoric Legends: I <3 Valentines Day but I don't <3 ...

Photo by Ron Doke used under Creative Commons license

By Prof. Jim Wilcox, Guest Writer

I remember (and if you’re lucky, you remember too) making a mailbox out of road-kill pelts in third grade the week before Valentine’s Day, all a-twitter, knowing that within a few days Cindy was going to tell me she loved me.

And there I sat at home for hours, trying to scribe the perfect words in perfect grammatical structure (even in third grade), to reveal my undying devotion to her, as well as my syntactical skills.

Picking out the right motif/packet of one-sided “hot shots of love” at the local pharmacy, sometimes with a cupid, usually with a heart, and always in pink and/or red marked the onset of Adoration Flu.

But, as was my destiny in most things associated with romance, my love for Cindy was unrequited. On the back of her card she wrote simply, “From Cindy.” Little affection hangs off the word, “from.”

“Well,” I reasoned, “there’s always fourth grade.” (Little did I know that by fourth grade, all girls had cooties.)

So Valentine’s Day has its pros and its cons; its positives and its negatives; its reasons to celebrate and reasons to remain celibate.

Here’s a list of things I love about Valentine’s Day and things I hate about it:

I love the banquet SNU sponsors; I hate the name of it, “HeartPal.” (In trying to include both romantic couples and platonic couples, they’ve just muddied the waters, as far as I’m concerned. It looks like it’s from a hospital chart: “heart palpations.”)

I love the little messages on those pastel hearts; I hate the ones made from Sweetarts. (Valentine’s greetings should be sweet, not tonsil-slapping bitter.)

Here are some candied-heart sayings I’d love to see: “Stupid Cupid,” “Get over it,” “Dnt txt me,” “U R S A I,” and “2BZ4UQT.”

I love dinner by candlelight; I hate vanilla scented candles.

I love buying a card for my Valentine; I hate seeing them displayed in stores as they remove their Christmas cards in December.

I love simple engagement rings; I hate to see couples spend a 30-year mortgage to buy one.

I love loving one Valentine; when I was in college, I hated loving two.

I love a nice sweater; I hate seeing holiday sweaters for every holiday. (Really? Camouflage on Veterans Day?)

I love red and green at Christmas; I hate red and pink at Valentines Day.

I love love songs; I hate Billy Joel, Hall and Oats, and Celine Dion. (Oh, and anything from the 80s)