Patty Juliuson, Guest Writer
In a move that stunned the SNU community, President Loren Gresham announced today that he will resign his position immediately in order to join the Senior Professional Golfers Association Tour.
Gresham, who has served in a variety of faculty and staff positions since joining the university in 1920, cited his “killer backswing” and “rockin’ putt” as reasons for vacating his academic duties for the links.
“I’m really stoked about this whole thing,” Gresham remarked. “Linda and I are looking forward to this week’s tournament in Palm Springs. We’re gonna catch some rays and go for a win.”
Linda Brown Gresham, SNU’s “First Lady,” will be joining her husband’s training team as fashion consultant and lead caddy.
“I’m just all about the clothes, you know. I think I can get him a deal with Nike. It will be fabulous,” she remarked. “But I have no idea what a nine-iron looks like.”
When asked to comment on Gresham’s resignation, current Vice President of Academic Affairs and President’s Chair hopeful Dr. Melany Kyzer stated, “Well, I’m stunned. Just stunned.”
Gresham’s tenure as president saw the completion of several major campus improvement projects, including the Hills housing complex and this April Fools’ newspaper article.