Types of ‘Facebookers’

Photo by Marco Paköeningrat used under Creative Commons license.

Macy Sliman, Staff Writer
Facebook. This social networking website has become such a norm in society that it has become almost ridiculous.

The Freedom of Speech act is put to great use on this site of creepy “friending,” hourly status updates, and drama reports. The variety of Facebookers is as wide and long as the Nile. Like personality types, Facebookers can be divided into a few main groups.
Let’s start with the Vaguebookers: These types update their status with something cryptic like, “Wow, did not see that coming.” Or “Thanks for being such a good friend. NOT!” These updaters are merely there to gain attention and sympathy. One must ignore them and go do something more productive like watch a midnight show on cable.
Drama Queens: This small group can also include boys, who are sometimes even worse than girls. These Queens normally post something like “I hate all this drama… There is so much drama…. Glad I’m not in all this drama like some people…” Which is code for, “I am the best at starting the drama and keeping the fire fueled so that I can be entertained.”
Creepers: Actual creepers. Sometimes, they can be difficult to deal with. They go through all your pictures and “like” a few or comments on the very last one, letting everyone know that they were creeping on your profile. These people are usually harmless if left alone but sometimes extreme measures need to be taken and you should “unfriend” them. Immediately. Before they get your social security number.
Like Happy: These people are very harmless but slightly annoying. They are the ones who click the “like” button for every post, picture and comment you put on Facebook. There is no filter for these people. If they like you more than a little then they will use their “Like” button until they die. To quote a favorite actor of mine, “If I broke every bone in your hand, would you still be able to do that?” –T-Bone from A-Team. I believe he had the right idea.
Selfies: can very easily go hand-in-hand with any other category. They have no shame. The only pictures they seem able to take are aimed at their bathroom mirror in what seems like the same pose every time. No imagination is used in this category. All these users can seem to do is use their camera as a tool for Tools. Whatever you do though, do not mention that you could care less about the décor of their bathroom. They tend to be a little more sensitive about their lack of imaginative poses than most.

And lastly, the Fishers: They update sad things like, “Today was just a bad day… I just don’t feel pretty today… Why can’t I find a decent man in any of the bars I hang out in???” Fishers are doing just that, fishing for compliments. Put these people out of their misery. Compliment them only once and, they will never be happy. Isn’t that the point of Facebooking, anyway?