WARNING: ARTICLE INCLUDES SPOILERS
This past weekend I went to see “Life.” I wish I didn’t.
Perhaps my mistake is that I had too high of expectations for this movie. But is that really my fault? The cast includes Rebecca Ferguson, Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds so naturally I expected a certain level of greatness. However, the all-star cast is misleading. And if you’re going to see the movie for Ryan Reynolds, don’t. He is only in the first 10 minutes of the movie, he dies a gruesome death, and for the remainder of the movie, his dead carcass floats around the spaceship.
However, I don’t think the poorness of the film is the cast’s fault. They were given a lame script and had to follow a dumb storyline. It was difficult to feel anything for the characters because the bits of story told about their lives pre-space simply didn’t work. Any personal stories that were shared felt forced and cheesy.
The storyline was one big predictable mess. Well, predictable and idiotic. “Life” was one of those movies where you’re looking at the screen just thinking, “WHAT THE HECK! WHY!”
- Astronauts find life on Mars: Predictable
- Cute little baby alien ends up being destructive: Predictable
- Discover that the alien needs oxygen to survive: Predictable
- Trap the alien but don’t do anything to try to destroy it: Idiotic
- Olga Dihovichnaya’s character leaves the spacecraft and ends up dead: Predictable/Idiotic
- Jake Gyllenhaal’s character reads “Goodnight Moon”: Idiotic
- Rebecca Ferguson’s character is in a “lifeboat” spacecraft that ends up beeping, rattling and failing: Predictable
- Jake Gyllenhaal is stuck in a lifeboat spacecraft with the alien: Predictable
- Spacecraft falls from the sky and crashes into water near two fishermen: Predictable/Idiotic
- Two fishermen go to the spacecraft: Predictable/Idiotic
- Two fishermen see someone covered in alien goo inside and open the door to save them: IDIOTIC
- Jake Gyllenhaal is the one in the spacecraft: IDIOTIC
- Jake Gyllenhaal is still alive…?: IDIOTIC
- The alien is now some weird goo?: WHAT THE HECK! WHY!
Listen. I love Jake Gyllenhaal, and I’m always okay with him being alive. But this doesn’t make any sense at all whatsoever. It’s ridiculous. The movie also ends at a place where one might assume a good sequel could pick up. However, think about this; The alien may be on earth now but we have gravity on earth, and the alien is much less menacing when it can’t float around anywhere and everywhere.
This movie attempted to be a smart thriller that added to the sci-fi genre, but it was an inferior dud. “Life’s” tagline is “We were better off alone.” And that is exactly how I feel about the movie.